smiling again
put down the pill crusher,
pick up the tv remote
rewind back to when things were still sane.
oh, they never were?
i know, i just like pretending.
can’t you pretend with me?
rats are clawing, ants crawling,
on the lower shelf of my mind
the top shelf always occupied with the same thing.
when i say loops she says trauma
i keep sitting on the
spiral upwards or downwards
same death imminent,
half full and half empty but still a last breath.
i feel an organ failing
and everything is okay now.
how at peace i am.
i am feeling closer to that missing piece of me
than i ever used to be,
closer to you in nothing.
let me be nothing with you.
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