"golden smoke"

I am always alone

In the end,

Everyone leaves,

And it is no fault of theirs, it is always me.

Now, I just want to sleep,

To die, to rest in peace,

To have no more traumatic dreams.

To stop these voices in my head who scream,

About how I am a demon

Who should be deceased.

I pour down medicines and liquor,

But it does not help my mind;

I just feel my insides turn to mush quicker,

Explosions of dynamite inside my stomach like a copper mine,

Leg locked and curled up, fucked up on an unknown drug,

Because what I bought was cut,

With the cheap shit.

Again.

I could not give less of a fuck either:

I try but apathy has become my leader.

Searching deepweb trafficking sites for Ether.

I’m treating AlphaBay like a teacher, a preacher-

Because this coke is holy; the smoke is golden.

It tastes like plastic, with thorns like roses.

The crack pipe asked if I wanted more;

I said no, but obliged my nose,

And powdered it,

With fishscale crystals, oxy, and H #4.

Mixed with many other names you would not know.

Afflicted with shame and guilt, I knock on death’s door.

I wait,

I can hear her tiptoe on the floor.